The kidnappers call at midnight and order you to bring the money to the old abandoned ketchup factory on the outskirts of town. When you arrive in the vast, empy space, you find four men with guns surrounding Julia, who is tied to a chair. You give them the money and Julia is released. She runs into your embrace and promises her devotion to you.
While you hold her in your arms, their leader, who introduces himself only as “Chet,” asks you how you got the money so fast.
“My rich friend gave it to me,” you say.
“So you’re just the delivery boy,” Chet laughs. He says to Julia, “You’re hugging the wrong guy. It’s like someone just bought you a fancy dinner and you’re going to bed with the waiter. You make bad decisions.”
The kidnappers walk out cackling over what they perceive to be Julia’s poor decision to give herself to you, completely discounting the fact that you put yourself in harm’s way while all Danny did was supply the money, but whatever. As their laughter continues out in the parking lot, you feel Julia’s embrace of you slacken a bit, but she’s probably just tired.
Now that she’s free, Julia hastily proves her devotion to you by having sex with you and becoming pregnant with your child. It should be a joyful time, but as her pregnancy progresses you keep hearing those kidnappers laughing at Julia. You imagine them gathered behind you, trying to stifle their giggling while you learn to breathe at Lamaze class, or while you look at the baby’s little arm during the amniocentesis. Their laughter follows you everywhere, because deep down you think people are right to laugh at Julia. She really did choose the wrong guy.
You can’t help but feel as if Danny is somehow the real father of your child. The child was spawned from your seed, certainly, but Julia’s womb was available to you only because her life was spared through the benevolence of Danny. And now that you are in his employ, your child will be fed with Danny’s money. After all these years of viewing Danny from afar as the embodiment of the life you could have had, he is now in control of your life and everything it has to offer you. He hovers over you like a God, bestowing whatever happiness you may enjoy. This is all too much to bear and it brings you to the decision that Danny must be eliminated. You have a year in his employ to exact your vengeance. It will be just enough time.
Within just a few months of employment, you become a legend in the halls of Wipe-face.com. The staff members (“Facewipes,” they’re called) have heard the rumor that you helped Danny come up with the Wipe-face concept, and wanna know why you’re here. Why, if you are capable of the level of brilliance that could create a multi-million dollar online property devoted to pictures of people on toilets, have you not built your own Silicon Valley empire? Why are you working as an admin assistant at the company you helped found?
The mystery draws them to you. You represent the unexplainable ingredient that took a simple scatological concept and made them all millionaires. You manipulate their reverence and turn them against Danny, making them believe that you are the true creator of Wipe-Face.com, and Danny is nothing more than the grinning fraud at the helm.
On the eve of your one-year anniversary at the company, just hours before you are to be released from your agreement with Danny, you gather the Facewipes and lead them to Danny’s office. He is sitting behind his desk when you arrive, looking as if he’d summoned you.
“I’m sorry old friend,” you say. “I can’t have you controlling my fate any longer.”
“But who’s to say this isn’t my doing as well?” he says. “Perhaps I brought you on only because I knew you’d one day turn on me.”
You look into Danny’s eyes and you see no fear, only sadness. He wanted this. He planned even this. Clearly, as you’d always hoped, his vast wealth and unlimited power have only made him more miserable with every day (it happens!), and he craves only death. The only way to defy him is to let him live, but your fury takes control and you unleash his employees upon him.
The Facewipes club Danny and eat him, as is custom when power is transferred at a dot com. With Danny gone, the company is yours. You quickly run it into the ground because you don’t know how to run companies.
I can't wait to get it!